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Being a part of Ethiopian society entails that you
follow an unwritten set of communal rules which
inadvertently determine your position in the
invisible hierarchy that exists within it. Following
these rules is not a matter of choice but rather one
of adhering to traditions that are pounded into you
are growing up in a system that has been well
established for thousands of years.
As one who was raised in this manner, I will be the
first to admit that the weight of the social
requirements is not lost on a person, particularly
seeing all the adults in your life participating
with zeal and zest. It does not occur to you that
you will not be a part of this system because it is
not often that you find people that rebel against it
and are still found to be socially acceptable.
Although I have written both in favour of and
against following our traditions and the insane
framework that is part of our culture, and although
at heart I am a preservationist and do strongly
believe that cultures and the different customs of
the varied people of our land should be maintained
in their most Orthodox manner, it is also a glaring
fact that some of the very things that need to be
preserved are the same things that, not only
maintain our alliance with outdated mentalities, but
also sustains politically incorrect stances that may
make us look like cavemen given the right
circumstances.
I understand that these are strong statements to
make and the fact that we, as a people, do not enjoy
having any aspect of our existence trashed but my
motivations behind making a such brash and, maybe in
the eyes of some, baseless claims is because of the
alienation that not following some of these rules
have brought to people that I know.
Personally, I do not adhere to many of the social
requirements that are necessary to survive in the
context of our society. It has been a choice that I
have made since returning to make residence in my
homeland, not only because it takes up so much time,
but because I would rather deal with people outside
of these regulations and collective constraints.
Lucky for me, most people that I know do not
consider my ways to be in the least bit Ethiopian,
so my failures to adhere to the status quo have been
labelled as me not knowing any better because I have
been from childhood so “Americanised”. Lucky for me.
I just play along and pretend that the reason behind
my actions is a lack of understanding of the
necessity of those actions rather than an
anti-social choice that I made, consciously.
Choosing not to make the required social appearances
at weddings, funerals, religious celebrations or
other social gatherings that are an intricate part
of our culture’s need to feed people given the rise
of any occasion; whether justifiable or not; would
automatically put a good Ethiopian in the hot seat.
If you do not help a person grieve, you are less of
one yourself. If you do not show up to party at the
wedding or participate in one of the million events
that are a part of the whole Ethiopian grieving
process, it is your respect for people that is
brought into question.
The motivation behind my actions is just that. I do
not respect my neighbour by showing up to his
mother’s house when she dies, I respect him by being
a good neighbour and making sure that living next to
me is a pleasure and not a pain. The emphasis that
is placed on the tie between social requirements and
showing respect is nothing short of ridiculous in my
eyes.
Social requirements are one thing while granting
people respect is a completely different ball game.
Merging one with the other is a bit beyond my realm
of comprehension; respect is something earned and
social requirements are something pushed upon you.
How can you even begin to bring the two together?
For those of you that have to go through the rituals
and actions, enjoy. But I for one love living
outside the status quo.
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