Marriage being a fundamental cornerstone in the building of a family, it is almost always crowned with a fabulous wedding ceremony and is probably the most important event that can happen to someone in his or her life.

“Tying the knot” is not only a vital step to uniting a loving couple in marriage but is more importantly a highly regarded merger of different families. It is also an opportunity for a girl to prove her worth and obtain social respect.

For most of rural Ethiopia, marriage arrangements and wedding ceremonies involve time-honoured yet intricate processes. The parents of the girl may be asked for her hand in marriage by the suitor himself or via a parental arrangement in order to “tie the knot.” This may also be done by involving elderly people and friends in the neighbourhood. The reply, be it acceptance or disapproval, is not given immediately. The go-betweens are told that the parents need at least a few weeks of discussion with their daughter and other members of their family.

The interim period before the next meeting is the time needed for a small party to be thrown on behalf of the elders. When they return after two weeks or a month, they usually stay outdoors waiting for an affirmative reply before they are ushered in as guests. There is a little gimmick taking place at this stage when the hosts try to keep the elders in suspense and the elders insist on not stepping in unless they are informed of the decision made. This is a little drama that is told and retold as a humorous tale from time to time. Of course wining and dining crowns a positive reply.

In urban places like Addis Abeba, however, such rigidity seems to be fading. More often than not, elders are sent to the girl’s home more as a formality or just to maintain customs. Parents try to explain that the engagement is a subject to be left to the marrying couple, maintaining that whoever is preferred by their daughter is bound to be their choice as well.

Once the engagement is settled, however the wedding process, particularly in the rural places, becomes a shared responsibility. Close relatives like uncles or aunts, brothers or sisters cover costs of some of the required preparations for the festivities like preparing tella or tej, (barley beer or honey mead), kebe(butter), berbere (powdered pepper), oxen or rams, and the wedding trousseau.

In many places like Gojam and other Amhara regions, they have what they call the “akol kway.” This group bears the full cost involved in transporting the food and brewed beverages. It also designates the parties responsible for serving the designated guests who may drop by at any time of the day. The festivities at both the bride’s and the bridegroom’s houses are prepared separately with a tendency for competition.

In Addis Abeba, however, the practice is slightly different. Wedding parties are prepared by shared arrangements.

Last Sunday for instance, this writer was one of over 400 guests invited to a wedding dinner held at the Kelifa Building Hall, which was jointly hosted by the parents of the bride and groom Amsalou Akililu (MD) and Bezubih Oda along with their wives. The brewed tej and bottled drinks along with the European dishes were prepared by the parents of the groom while the national fare and the other items were served by the bride’s side. The colossal bull slaughtered was said to have cost over 16,000 Br. Its fat was as white as snow.

The long tables, laid out in two separate rooms, were laden with rich varieties of delicious food and replenished every now and then. The rare beef was the pivotal item that most attracted the attention of the meat loving guests. Rumour had it that the fattened bull was transported from Harar to be slaughtered and served as part of the wedding party and as a family reunion.

Arriving late seems to be a typical characteristic of every wedding party in town. Almost every guest was dressed up in his or her best. Women, in particular, had their hair coiffed and had put on their glittering jewellery. Most of them wore traditional dresses tailored with high fashion. There was a lot of hugging and kissing going on among the women guests along with broad smiles and waving from distances.

From the way the wedding partygoers were dressed, one got the impression that the “middle income generation” is emerging in earnest.

Music is an important feature for any wedding ceremony in this country. In this particular case, one of the most popular traditional music bands comprising of the popular singer Madengo and his friends were the ones contracted for the ceremony.

They should have added a female singer in the band, not only for the sake of gender equality but also for the sake of variety. Quite a fortune is paid for such music bands. The band was trying to dictate the schedule of the whole programme by asking (asking is an understatement) the wedding party to take to the floor and open the dancing even before half of the guests had taken food to their respective tables to start eating. It was too obvious that they were in a hurry.

At any rate, music plays an important role in a wedding ceremony. The serious performing starts when the wedding party arrives. There is always the traditional welcoming song commonly known as Musheraye which is sung to praise the bride using comparisons to a blossoming vineyard. It has a slow tempo with lyrics that wish the couple a happy marriage like that of the Bible’s Abraham and Sarah.

The majestic bride and groom, accompanied by their wedding party, walk slowly and gracefully up to the raised dais to be ensconced upon their “wedding thrones” until it is time for them to come forward and lead the buffet line.

Once the bridal party has partaken of the buffet, the guests are invited to the laden tables to help themselves. Some are so overcome by the variety that they usually find it difficult to make up their minds, thus overloading their plates with an assortment of food. This takes up time and hinders the event.

The cutting of the wedding cake is the last but certainly not the least feature of the wedding ceremony. Sipping champagne and swallowing mouthfuls of cake usually lead to a kiss from the bride and groom, which are some of the expectations during the cake ritual. After this climax in the festivities, guests are allowed to slip away to their respective destinations.

BY Girma Feyissa