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I want to talk about the topic du jour: the
circles of friends that Ethiopian women choose for
themselves.
A while back, I wrote a piece that spoke on the beauty of
the friendships that Abesha males cultivate. I have
been completely seduced by the bonds of male
friendships that Ethiopian men enjoy. There is a
connection among them that is strong, palpable, and
truly worthy of envy. They have honesty and genuine
concern in the manner with which they deal with each
other. They are well versed in each other's ways and
often take the time to worry about one another and
their lives, their families and everything else that
is included in their existence.
The Abesha male has mastered the concept of friendships.
They have taken it to a level that I believe should
be a lesson for anyone that wishes to start,
cultivate and keep friendships.
When we look at the female counterpart though, some of the
shiny and glowing things that can be said about male
friendships would be entirely inapplicable. To begin
with, the foundation of the entire endeavour is
completely different. This means that what is
expected out of the relationship and the sorts of
paths that the relationship is expected to take is
completely alien to the benevolent intentions and
unconditional considerations they might otherwise
have.
The Ethiopian female friendships that I have observed are
more like strategic alliances than friendships. They
are superficial; most women are not truly interested
in the women that they befriend, but do so because
those particular ladies are either a part of some
social circle that they are trying to become a part
of or just happen to be interested in the same
things that they are. They neither base their
choices on the substance of the person nor genuine
regard, but rather on social climbing, on looks and
most importantly on how much access to the grapevine
is available.
The average Ethiopian woman has her priorities all screwed
up. It is never self-respect and individual
accomplishments on their own terms that they seek,
but rather some social validation by doing all the
things that are expected from society, family,
religion and everybody else that has a hand in
judging people. Their goals are only to be attained
by putting on the most false of facades and airs
that they can only be around people that have based
their lives on the same things. Imagine the type of
group this intention endeavours to form.
As a case in point, just take a look at the average group
of supposed girlfriends that you find around town.
All are from similar social standings, the Gucci
girls hang out with the Gucci girls, the Dembel
girls hang out with the Dembel girls, and the
generic girls hang out with the generic girls. This
is of course unlike the males who mix all walks of
life in their friendships. Imagine the depth and
breadth of the conversations of these young ladies
who have made it a point to make looks and
accessories one of the defining factors of their
friendships.
I mean what better bond is there than Gucci and Prada,
right?
Then there are the information-based friendships. These are
what I like to call the gossip column friendships,
owing their entire construction to the amount of
dirty information that people are able to arm
themselves with. The more you know, the more friends
you are likely to have as they will need the
information that you provide to plan their next
strategic move. The more you are able to keep up to
date with your information, the longer your
longevity in the social cesspool that is the
Ethiopian social circle.
Because the average Ethiopian woman has chosen to make her
friendships a source of social climbing or a means
by which to attain some random end, it is often very
difficult to find honest and long-lasting female
friendships. Even among women that claim to have
known each other for most of their lives, there are
often issues, backstabbing, gossip, name-calling and
all sorts of other negatives that have no place in a
friendship.
Here is where I present the question that comes along with
the topic du jour. If there is no substance
in friendship, one of the cornerstones of human
existence - then what fate beholds the Ethiopian
woman? |
